Saturday, March 16, 2013

Vampires are watching me...

I'm not a good snack. In fact I think you guys can do much, MUCH, better than me. I'd be like a sip, frankly I'm a shot glass really. I mean, I'm not a fat chick pretending to be anorexic for attention. I'm a skinny chick starving herself to death because I want to experience that beautiful empty feeling into the grave. So, dearly nearly departed vampires thank you, but search elsewhere.

Unless you want not-eating tips, at which point, you are in the right place. I talk a great game about getting healthy, and eating right so I can have a dog and blah blah blah... I'm working on another 10 pounds. I'm hoping to reach 100 lbs by my birthday. At which point I'm going to stop losing weight, just like I stopped when I hit 110, and before then when I stopped at 120 and when I hit my first goal of 130. I'm never going to be happy with what I look like, and that's not really the point. It's not about how I look. It's about how I feel inside and I feel weighed down, I feel heavy and slow. I feel like my craptastic dying body is killing me. When I feel empty, I feel light and dizzy. I can feel the blood rushing about, and my heart fluttering. I feel alive, but like I'm putting a toe out the door and I like that feeling. I want to feel it all the time. I don't care about my bones and how much it hurts to sit or kneel, or to get a hug. I don't care that my cat left a bruise last time she sat on my lap. I want to feel empty forever.

Goodnight vampires. Happy blogging.

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